Category: Self Help (Page 1 of 2)

Breath of Joy – Wake Up Your Nervous System

Instagram Video of Breath of Joy demonstration here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CQYb4YDjMkq/

Generally speaking, when we hear people talking about the nervous system it’s in the interest of finding ways to calm it down. Perhaps you’ve heard of the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest)? There’s a lot of talk about ways to regulate when we’re in fight or flight mode, but what about the need to awaken and liven our system? Is there a need for such?

Do you struggle with awakening in the morning? Or perhaps you’ve fallen into a dark state of depression and find yourself in a daze or somewhat catatonic? Breath of Joy is a somatic exercise that helps to stimulate your sympathetic nervous system and get energy flowing. This movement, along with simultaneous breaths, can help to warm up the body, oxygenate your blood, and get your circulation going. Breath of Joy moves chi (energy) throughout your body, and the forceful exhalation at the end aids in releasing stress. Afterward, most of my clients report feeling awakened and focused and then more calm and relaxed as the parasympathetic nervous system starts to come online shortly thereafter.

Begin with your feet shoulder-width apart, parallel, and with a soft bend of the knees.
Imagine your lungs filling up in three parts during this exercise – lower, halfway, and then full. With the first arm motion, you will synchronize your first brief inhale through the nose, raising your arms out front.
For your second brief in-breath through the nose, you will simultaneously expand your arms wide out to your sides.
On the third brief in-breath, you will bring your arms back inward and then up above your head – all in one motion. The exercise is intended to move quickly.
With a swift downward motion of your arms, you will release your breath through your mouth with a “HAA!”
Repeat the above steps for 1-3 minutes.

As always, respect your body and any signals of discomfort received and stop if needed. If you have untreated high blood pressure or suffer with any head or eye issues, this may not be a helpful practice for you.

Positivity Gone Toxic

Toxic positivity is exactly that – being positive to the point of being toxic. It is positivity in excess. Toxic positivity is dismissive and invalidating. Toxic positive says there is no room for anything but feeling good. Toxic positivity denies the organic, human emotional experience that is expansive and ever-changing. To deny our feelings is to be inauthentic. Even the most zen of human beings are going to have a moment of anger or frustration because guess what? There are simply some experiences that are going to generate feelings of anger or frustration. It doesn’t mean the zen master will forever stay angry or frustrated or that they are flawed for feeling such. It simply is the human emotional experience in action.

Toxic positivity tells you that your emotions are wrong and should not be felt. This can create feelings of guilt and shame for simply feeling what you feel. And now you’re probably going to just keep that to yourself going forward, try to ignore it, and never really spend enough time with those feelings to process the experience. Healing cannot occur when feelings are shoved aside and ignored. This actually creates more emotional distress because, in your avoidance, you have actually doubled your pain. You have the original pain of feeling what you feel, and now – because of guilt, shame, and suppressing the feelings – you also have the pain of feeling bad for feeling it in the first place. Yuck!

When you stifle your feelings and pretend they do not exist, you are not able to hold space for them, identify them, understand them, etc. This disables your opportunity to self-regulate within your emotions. We have a vast list of emotional feeling words for a reason. It is healthy to turn inward, identify the emotion that is present, and label it for what it is (e.g. overwhelmed, sad, disappointed, etc.) to help yourself learn to regulate. Emotion regulation is the healthy coping strategy that helps to keep you from scoffing at your boss, clapping back at your friend, or snarling at your partner.

Additionally, when we’re subjecting others to the “positive vibes only” mentality, we may end up becoming a bit ostracized and isolated. Toxic positivity damages relationships because the message you’re sending to others is that they cannot feel what they feel and cannot be themselves when they’re around you. During stressful events, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, toxic positivity can become incredibly harmful. Recognizing that everyone’s pandemic experience is varied, to dismiss the experiences of those who are experiencing it differently than you or just not in an upbeat perpetual Positive Polly perspective is sending the message to them that there’s something wrong with them for having a hard time. This pandemic has been especially isolating and telling someone they shouldn’t feel what they feel about it could create an even greater isolating effect. We need various forms of creative connectivity and communication now more than ever.

I know it sounds cliche, but the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself, and it is critical that you authentically show up as yourself – whatever you may be feeling in any given moment. It’s okay to feel the negative stuff because it’s real. And there’s increased knowing of the self and opportunity for growth and change when we get real. Learning to check in with yourself more in an honest way can be really helpful. Get a list of emotion or feeling words and keep it accessible. Pause and check in with yourself to see what’s coming up for you. I share an emotions/feelings wheel with my Instagram followers (@fulfillmentcounseling) every Friday because I believe it to be such a critical piece in our wellness.

When others are sharing how they feel with you, know that this is their experience. It doesn’t have to be how you would feel, and you don’t even have to agree with how someone is feeling in order to be helpful. Validating someone’s experience isn’t saying I feel the same way or that I agree. Through validation, I’m simply acknowledging that your experience is real to you. In action, this may sound like, “I can see that this is upsetting for you,” or “I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time right now.”

Being able to see the clouds with silver-lining in stressful situations is a skill. Being able to simultaneously hold space for the dark, heavy clouds that surround and drench you is also a skill.

10 Steps to Improve Your Mental Health

1) Commit to a structured sleep schedule: bedding at the same time, waking at the same time, and ensuring you get at least 8 hours nightly. Sleep is our mind and body’s reset button. We need ample rest to reduce stress and improve overall mood.

2) Be mindful of your nutrition intake: try to hit all the major food groups in the course of your day and take in some fermented foods (e.g. yogurt, kefir, etc.); avoid processed foods. Know that your gut microbiome can create inflammation, and inflammation impacts mood.

3) Be social: put forth the effort to have at least one social interaction daily; can include text or social media messaging. Connectivity supports our mental health, but also recognize that everyone’s amount of optimal connectivity may differ. At least one contact daily, and earlier in the day to help get your day off and running in a positive way, makes a difference.

4) Move your body: establish routine physical activity. Even 10 minutes a day can improve mood. Thirty minutes a day is even better. Get your heart rate up a bit. Consider a brisk walk each day.

5) Be grateful: develop a daily gratitude practice where you call upon yourself to identify at least one thing for which you are grateful each day. Gratitude helps to rewire the brain to see the good or great, especially in times of struggle or hardship.

6) Affirm yourself: positive feedback can be so kind, motivating, and supportive of a healthy outlook about ourselves – which, in turn, benefits our mood. Given we cannot fully and entirely rely upon the external world around us to do this, we can integrate positive affirmations each day. “I am worthy” and “I am capable” are good examples. Figure out what you need to hear most and repeat it to yourself.

7) Remove “always” and “never” from your vocabulary: black and white thinking tends to trip us up and have us believing distorted things that can impact our mood negatively. Examples include “I’m never enough” or “I always mess things up.” Check the history to get some balance. Recall times when you were sufficient and when you did a great job.

8) Explore and learn about yourself: do an internet search for journal prompts or get a journal that has them built in to get the wheels turning. Self-awareness supports our personal growth and positive mood.

9) Meditate: one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the ability to be still and present. Meditation helps to activate a state of relaxation and calm, which supports our overall mood.

10) Access joy: find activities each day that bring you little ounces of pleasure or joy. Light a candle, read a book, listen to a motivating TedTalk or podcast, buy a coffee gift card and mail it to a friend, etc. Simple pleasures go a long way for our mood!

Why am I Journaling?

We know that through expression, both oral and written, individuals can express thoughts and feelings and be reflective. This can increase one’s insight, self-awareness, and understanding.

Journaling can be structured in a variety of ways to achieve different outcomes. For example, using prompts to encourage us to dig deeper into learning about ourselves or free-flowing to simply encourage self-expression. Journaling can be used to rewire the brain in helpful ways to support our mental health if we do it habitually. For example, if I begin journaling daily about what I’m grateful for in my life, my brain begins to become rewired to see the positives in situations in the day to day. Doing a bulleted format for listing things (e.g. places I want to travel, favorite bands, etc.) promotes self-exploration and learning (and opportunity for self-loving!) and also reduces anxiety because of the redirected focus it offers and concentration required. Journaling can also help to keep us on track with goals and daily intentions. Jotting down our goals and intentions and steps we’re taking each day as we work toward these goals can help keep them in the forefront of our minds (*think – law of attraction) and through having an awareness of the obstacles we face each day, we can address the things that keep us from getting there. It can also simply offer a cathartic release; like a brain dump, which helps to free up the mind for other things.

Journaling is essentially a form of communication with ourselves, and more often than not, we don’t tend to do a lot of honest, genuine communication with the self. Yet who is more important to get to know than oneself? Maybe give it a go and see what flows?

Social Distancing and Responding to Social Invites During COVID-19

COVID-19 has led to a variety of issues coming up in therapy that may not have been prominent concerns before. Navigating socialization is definitely a topic that has been coming up often. Specifically, those who are trying to socially distance have expressed feeling challenged when it comes to politely addressing invitations from others who believe or think otherwise about the need to distance or be masked.

Best recommendation is to simply be honest about your need to decline. Making up excuses only leads to people coming up with various solutions to offset your fabricated excuse. You know how this goes. We’ve all been there. “Sorry I can’t make your wedding. I don’t have anyone to watch the cat,” I shrug and say, and it’s promptly met with “Oh! No worries, my friend Alex just started a cat-sitting business. He’s got you covered!” Ugh. As it relates to our newfound quarantine life, no need to add in various pieces of detail – like “I would come, but wearing a mask is so uncomfortable,” because now the would-be host is explaining how they’ve purchased an air purifier to address this concern. Keep it simple: “Sorry to miss, but I’m currently keeping my outings and social contact to a minimum for health reasons.” No need to launch into a lecture here about flattening the curve, the duty to humanity, etc. The objective is to decline based upon your own personal choice as it relates to your health.

COVID-19 is actually requiring us all to personally take inventory of what we value in life (health, income, travel, socializing, etc.) and then create a hierarchy of how each is now prioritized, given the present circumstances. This may look dramatically different than how you would normally prioritize your values – and that is okay. We’re all within a really unique situation at this time, and our ability and willingness to be flexible helps us survive times like this. Recognizing that socializing contributes to our overall well-being, however, you might consider some more creative ways to support connectivity and feel free to offer those suggestions in lieu of an in-person RSVP: “Wish I could be there in person, but I’m abstaining currently from social gatherings for health reasons. Might someone be willing to do Skype to allow me to have dinner with you all from afar? That could be fun!”

Most importantly, take in ample education to inform your decision-making process and do what you feel is best for you and your family. Communicate that message as needed, knowing what best serves you and your family may not mimic the plans of others. And that’s okay!

Cryotherapy for Mental Health

Earlier this year, I moved my office to a new location and couldn’t help but notice a cryospa across the street. It peaked my interest, so I went to check it out and talk with staff about the proposed or known benefits. I’m always on the lookout for alternative health treatments that may benefit my clients… and me. I want to share with you what I’ve learned and experienced, as it may appeal to you.

Cryotherapy is a process of cooling the body for therapeutic reasons. I learned from reading and talking with staff that cryotherapy can be conducted as a whole body or partial body treatment. For example, at Colorado CryoSpa (202 E. Cheyenne Mountain Blvd.) here in Colorado Springs, they offer the option of a full body treatment in their cryotherapy chamber or a partial body treatment, in the form of a facial. I also learned it is offered to address a variety of health conditions, and there is quite a bit of research out there in support. Some of the health conditions included rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, and muscle recovery. Working with many clients who experience chronic pain conditions, I definitely found this to be noteworthy.

So what about mental health conditions? Can it help with anxiety and depression, for example? I found a study on use of whole-body cryotherapy with patients diagnosed with anxiety and depression. This 2008 study looked at cryotherapy as an adjunct treatment, meaning the cryotherapy was not the sole form of treatment, but rather, something to supplement what a person was already doing to treat their anxiety and depression, such as therapy and medication. Almost half of those participating in the cryotherapy (daily x 3 weeks) reported significant improvement in symptoms by at least 50%, suggesting a possible role for whole-body cryotherapy as an adjunct treatment for mood and anxiety disorders.

I decided to give it a go after talking with the staff and doing my own reading, and as of today (4/25/18), I’ve gone four times. After each session, I have felt calm but simultaneously energized and motivated. I’ve also been eager to return after each session! I can’t speak for the masses on this one, and I hope to see continued research on the subject, but as for me? I’m a member of Colorado CryoSpa and go every other week now!

Regards,

Dana

P.S. As always, check with your primary care physician prior to adding additional care or services to your health regimen.

Reference

Rymaszewska J, Ramsey D, Chładzińska-Kiejna S. (2008). Whole-body cryotherapy as adjunct treatment of depressive and anxiety disorders. Arch Immunol Ther Exp (Warsz). 2008 Jan-Feb;56(1):63-8. PMID: 18250970

Get out of the Victim Mindset in 4 Steps

Not a lot of things are 100% true, but here are two known facts: 1) Life is not fair, and 2) People do not act right. Undoubtedly, there are going to be times in life where we feel immensely disappointed by the cards we are dealt and/or by those around us. Disappointment WILL happen. We WILL be let down in life. Sometimes we might feel and experience this overwhelmingly – perhaps, what feels like over and over again, and in turn, we begin to focus heartily upon these events. We cannot see the forest for the trees, and we begin to believe all life has to offer us is frustrating experiences and people who are out to harm us. In these instances, we have opportunity to respond. Unfortunately, sometimes in these instances our response is to take on the role of victim and adopt a victim mindset.

A state of victimhood feels like helplessness, hopelessness, and powerlessness. Everything is doom and gloom. We believe it. We manifest it. We make it true. We say, “Look at what you did to me!” We blame others for situations and outcomes. We blame others for how we feel. We blame others for how we behave.

Why might we do this? It’s simple. There’s a payoff. When we take on the role of victim, we no longer have to take responsibility. If it’s not our fault, we don’t have to change. Why? Because someone ELSE needs to change! We garner attention from those around us during our pity parties and find comfort in this familiar place. We are often rewarded with concern that provides us a sense of justification, validation, and power. Some people emotionally tend to us when we’re in this state of existence, and that feels good when we’re down!

Despite these payoffs, there are also costs involved. What is the role of victimhood costing us? The costs of victimhood are heavy. It can lead to depression and even suicide. It can involve allowing ourselves to become stuck and no longer taking risks to move forward in life. We might become co-dependent and avoid getting better. We are no longer empowering ourselves! And while we might find people initially come and tend to us, offering compassion, when we routinely take on the role of victim, people eventually begin avoiding us. In their eyes, we’ve become the Debbie Downer… the Bitter Bob. Most people can only tolerate this type of company for so long. Then guess what happens? As people depart from us, it only serves to reinforce the ‘woe is me’ feeling and victim role: “Everyone leaves me!”

Within our life experiences, we develop an interpretation. This is our, often internalized, story we make up in our heads about what has happened, why it happened, etc. We begin to view our experiences through these filters. Unfortunately, these filters are often not objective and factual. Remember, it’s our interpretation! It takes a level of consciousness to first recognize when this is happening, and then to not attach ourselves to the story. How do we know when this is happening? An example would be when we respond with a knee-jerk reaction to a situation or person. That knee-jerk reaction is us responding based upon all our life events we’ve been through up until that moment. Is our knee-jerk reaction to victimize ourselves and look for blame elsewhere?

If you find yourself relating to this blog post, it might be time to get honest with yourself. Is this you? Now what?! Consider these 4 steps:

Recognize the payoff and cost. What are YOUR payoffs? It can vary from person to person. How is this role serving you? What do you get to avoid by taking on this role? Also, what are the negative consequences? What is it costing you? Healthy relationships? Advancing in your career? Going to that support group?
Live a life of consciousness. When you’re feeling triggered by something and finding yourself feeling like a victim, ask yourself some questions. What am I thinking about this situation or person? Is it completely accurate? Is it absolute fact? Remember, it is our interpretation, or thoughts, that lead to our feeling – not the person or situation, itself! Do not internalize!
Count your blessings daily. It is incredibly hard to remain within a victim mindset when you are focusing on your blessings. What is going right or well for you? Create a daily gratitude list where you identify three things that are good or positive. Some examples: I have a cozy home; I got the kids to school on time today; I have a job; I opted for the healthier choice at lunchtime; My car started; My neighbor greeted me. Need help getting started? Try the free app: Secret of Happiness.
Accept that life is not fair, and people do not act right. Be flexible. Don’t expect perfection. Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Know that people will show you who they are, and when they do… accept it! (Do not confuse acceptance with tolerance 😊). Try this mantra on for size: “He/She is showing me who they are, and I accept it and know it has nothing to do with me.”

Regards,
Dana

Lifestyle Medicine in 5 Daily Doses

Lifestyle medicine is not intended to replace traditional medicine, but it represents a concept about how we live that is intended to be of best benefit to our minds and bodies. Most of us aim to be healthy in one way or another, and lifestyle medicine brings to focus some specific aspects about the way we live that are indicated to help propel us to existing at our very best, both physically and mentally. These recommended five basic daily lifestyle patterns are heavily backed by research, as well.

Dose 1: Eliminate tobacco, street drugs, and/or misuse of prescription medications.
Dose 2: Consume a predominantly Mediterranean diet; eliminate GMO.
Dose 3: Be physically active – at least 30 minutes a day.
Dose 4: Learn new things; exercise your mind in different ways.
Dose 5: Maintain a healthy and supportive social network (face to face interactions are best!).

Evidence suggests it takes, on the average, around 45 days to establish a new habit. This means, for many of us, days 1 through 44 are spent very consciously making the choice to do or not do something until eventually it becomes second nature or habit. So maybe you are already on board with some of the recommended dosages above, but there are some that are going to require active effort. Know that if you dedicate and commit yourself to making things happen daily, it will eventually become a habit that is ingrained. You will reap the benefits and want to keep going!

Something else to keep in mind… we are more likely to achieve changes that we speak into the universe. Speak your desired changes aloud. Tell people of your goals and intended outcomes. Develop and meditate upon a vision board that depicts your desired changes. Engage in positive self-talk. Tell yourself you CAN achieve the things you desire. Change your thoughts, and you change your life!

Regards,
Dana

Choline… huh?

Choline. Ever heard of it? Me neither. Until recently. As a result of what I’ve learned, I’d like to share with you.

Choline – apparently – is a nutrient deemed essential for brain development. Who knew? And not only brain development but also cognitive functioning, memory, muscle function, and so much more; something so essential and yet… only 6.6.% of American adults consume an adequate amount, according to a National Health & Nutrition Examination Survey. The U.S. Food & Drug Administration suggests we get in 550 mg of choline a day. Being deficient in choline can lead to conditions such as “fatty liver, atherosclerosis, and neurological disorders;” can also leave individuals experiencing “low energy level, memory loss, cognitive decline, muscle aches, and mood changes or disorders” per a recent Psychology Today article (Feb 2017). Thinking of having children? For men, lack of choline can actually impact not only the structure of sperm, but also energy and mobility of such. Additionally, for mothers-to-be, deficiency of choline during pregnancy can stunt the developing brain of the fetus.

Now that we know what it is, what it does, and the hazards of not getting enough… let’s problem-solve. Where can we get choline? The biggest sources of choline derive from some of our feathered friends – turkey and chicken. Eggs are also a top source. Choline doesn’t discriminate against the sea though; salmon is also a good place to get it. Not to worry if you’re vegan, or maybe your taste buds just don’t care for the aforementioned foods, because you can also find it in cauliflower and brussel sprouts, in addition to purchasing choline in a supplement form quite affordably.

#themoreyouknow #foryourhealth #mindbodyspirit

Regards,
Dana

<Disclaimer: Content of this blog is for information purposes only and not intended as therapy or medical advice>

Getting Fulfilled in Your Relationship

Within the context of intimate relationships, couples tend to turn to one another for fulfillment. While needs can also be met independently from within, via employment settings, through friends, family, etc., when in a partnership, couples tend to turn inward and place these needs and expectations upon one another primarily. There are a multitude of needs, and these can vary from person to person. However, the top 10 general needs tend to be as follows:

Honesty and openness – having someone in your life with whom you can express yourself while they are receptive and truthful with you in feedback, even if it challenges you.
Recreation & leisure companionship – having someone who enjoys getting out of the house with you, engaging in common hobbies and sources of fun and relaxation.
Affection – having someone who provides you with physical touch and contact, not necessarily sexual.
Sexual fulfillment – having someone who addresses the physical intimacy and sexual needs you have.
Physical attractiveness – having a partner who finds you attractive and desires you.
Conversation – having someone with whom you can share about your day, as well as deepest thoughts.
Admiration – having someone who values and appreciates who you are, your accomplishments, etc.
Family commitment – having someone who integrates their own family with you and creates an environment supportive of developing and growing your own family together.
Household help – having someone who shares the responsibilities with you in running a household and creating a sense of home.
Financial support – having someone who contributes to collective financial goals and provides support in the day to day monetary obligations.

At varying times, how the above list is prioritized for each individual in a relationship will change. What one finds most critical in the beginning of a relationship might move further down the list as time goes by, and this is to be expected as a relationship evolves. Regardless of how one prioritizes, it is most relevant to ensure that those in the relationship know what their partner is needing or seeking most as time passes. Communicating this allows for one’s partner to know where to focus their energies.

As you look over the list, think about your current relationship. While all 10 may feel very important, what if you had to prioritize? Narrow it down to a top three that you find to be of the greatest need for you right now in this moment. Why do you need these particular three? How would having these three emotional needs fulfilled benefit you? Benefit your relationship?

With your partner, sit down with this list. Each of you identify your top three emotional needs and communicate why you’ve chosen these three. Next, give thought to at least 3 ways you and your partner can attempt to meet or address these identified needs over the next week. Communicate these ideas with one another and come to an agreement. Commit only to things you know you will do, but don’t be afraid of change and trying something new. Give this a go for the next week!

Regards,
Dana

<Disclaimer: Content of this blog is for information purposes only and not intended as therapy or medical advice>